Battle scars

We build such high walls. Fortresses, really.

We squirm behind them because we are scared to reveal our true colors to others. We let one person in who may proceed to hurt us and we react by shutting down, closing off, reveling in our own isolation. If we let our guard down just an inch, the exposed wound may flare up once again, oozing with aching memories and repressed feelings of humiliation,
confusion, rejection.. So, why bother? Why not forever internalize our pain and frustration and thereby, block out the few and far between moments of genuine kindness and concern we human beings can sporadically bestow onto one another? Why not? Because we just can’t. Because, because I say so.

If there is one thing that the horrific events of 9/11 taught me, it is this: We cannot live without others. We cannot and should not cram our inner most thoughts and fears and anxieties into a distant corner, safe from the prying eyes and ears of the surrounding neighbors in our lives. We do ourselves a terrible injustice by hiding behind our pride, our rickety self-image, our overwhelming fears. Five years ago, two of the world’s most illustrious buildings toppled to the ground as if they were laden with feathers. An icon of power and strength was annihilated within moments and the inhabitants within those buildings, people just like you and me…stirring their coffee, browsing their email, shuffling their planner..were forever taken away from us. Students all around me pressed their noses to the omnipotent tv screens and somehow digested hours upon hours of traumatizing footage as if mesmerized by the sights and sounds of pure horror and surrealism.

In the days of the mourning aftermath, Americans all over the country seemed to heave a collective sigh and reprioritize their values, their family, their friends. There was a tangible aura of kindness, compassion and care noticeable in the soothing exchanges between one another simultaneously taking place in the street, in the post office, in the elevators. There were memorials and poems and songs and ribbons and candles and tears all serving to break down our tough non-penetrable walls and unite our gnawing escalations of deep and dark hurt and pain.

Why do we need such atrocity to bring us together? I wondered that five years ago and I again contemplate that today. I’m tired of walls, of self-inflicted boundaries and borders. Our lives are fleeting enough without the ever present threat of sudden terrorism leaving us with memories of what was and what could have been.

This is my moment to let down my walls and I encourage others to do the same, for our own sake if nothing else. I thank the people currently existent in my life and those I’ve yet to meet who make my world all that it is..who provide me with the daily sustenance of love and kindness and beauty that I crave in order to live in such a chaotic and ever changing world. I refuse to envelope my thoughts, my fears, my past wounds and battle scars in an ivory tower far away from the human touch of others.

We cannot begin to heal and grow under the weight and shadow of such high and daunting barricades.
It’s time to let them go and let someone in.

It's time to rebuild without walls.